Seriously, This Is Really My Life

Boy, Could I Use Help Right Now!!

2011-06-28T10:46:00.000-07:00

As many of you already know, I am a sweepstakes junkie! I save bottle caps and UPC codes. I will dumpster dive during McDonalds Monopoly
Game and buy products that have instant win game pieces inside. Over the years I have won some nice things, however, I have had to cut back
dramatically on my sweepstakes because of my Fibromyalgia.

You see, I can't sit for long perios of time without pain. I can't stand for longer than 10-15 minutes without going into back spasms and
exercise, while good for my health makes me feel as if I have been hit by a truck!

Anyways....back to my sanity and how YOU can help! And guess what? It doesn't cost anything....no one penny....to help!

Go to Facebook and "LIKE" Visit Florida's page

Then go to this link and click "VOTE"
You can vote every 24 hours until July 6th.....so please consider bookmarking the page.

Now, please allow me to explain how you will be helping me.......

If I get the most votes, I will win a family vacation for 4 at the Don Cesar Resort in Tampa Florida. I am in such desperate need of a vacation
I am on the brink of fantasizing about being put in a straight jacket and vacationing in a rubber room! I want nothing more than to get away with my
family and relax. Also, my husband and I have never had a honeymoon noe have we ever had a family vacation. I'd love for my children to see the
ocean, one of the most beautiful creations on this vast planet we call home.

Secondly, you can help me win a brand new, 2011, Mazda CX-7 Crossover. Wow.....a brand new car?! This is something we could never afford! We have
never owned a car newer than 10 years old! Our vehicles and the "buy here, pay here" lot kind of vehicles.....sold to us by a barrel chested guy
dressed in polyester slacks, plaid tie and smelling of Kentucky Fried Chicken and cigar smoke. Needless to say, our vehicles are far from being
dependable. Dependability is something we need since my son is disabled, I have Fibromyalgia and we both have numerous physician's and
specialist's appointments. And, since my husband is our sole breadwinner, if his clunker dies, he gets my clunker and we go back to holding
cardboard signs reading "Community Hospital or bust."

If I win this car, my husband and I will be giving our mini van to my daughter. Presently, she has no transportation to get my beautiful
granddaughter to her physician's appointments. She was born with bilateral club feet and sees a specialist regularly as they try to set her feet
and ankles into the proper position. And if the van we give her dies, I will have a dependable vehicle to transport them.

So, there you have it. Will you consider voting and helping me save my sanity with a vacation and changing the lives of my family as well as my
daughter's? If you do, would you also consider sharing with your family and friends?

You will have my undying gratitude and I'd be happy to return the favor! Need your car washed, dogs walked or toilets scrubbed? Need a babysitter,
wedding planner or lacky for the day? I'm will to do nearly anything to show my gratitue!

So please, take a few minutes a day for a couple of weeks and click the vote button for me!! Thank you, friends!

PLEASE HELP ME!!!

2010-11-09T16:48:00.000-08:00

Hello there friends!

As many of you know, I was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia about a year ago. And although it's been a rough road to travel, I am not letting this illness defeat me. However, I am working on something that I could really use your help on.

I have entered a contest to win a new Tempurpedic mattress. This will help with my pain immensley. As it is, I have not been able to sleep in bed with my husband for over two years due to the fact that the mattress causes me so much extreme pain. I could never afford this type of mattress, but have heard many good things from Fibromyalgia patients.

In this contest, I had to submit a photograph showing what makes me happy. of course, I submitted a photo of myself and my youngest daughter, in front of the wen cam, making goofy faces. My entry is titled "Silliness Makes me Happy". Now YOU can help change my daily life!! All you need to do is click a green "vote" box! You can vote daily until December 1st and I would be forever grateful! Thank you....the link is here:
http://apps.facebook.com/contestshq/contests/55116/voteable_entries/7894862

I Am Desperate For Help! Could You Lend A Hand?

2010-05-25T13:40:00.000-07:00

So, about two months ago, I was helping my son with his bath. As I finished and went to stand up, I placed my hand on the wall......and I fell through!

The paint was moist and the drywall soggy. Upon further inspection....I freaked out a little....MOLD!!

It wasn't till a couple of weeks later, while getting hangers from my son's closet that I noticed an extremely musty smell. I shoved back his clothing and gasped.....BLACK MOLD! There was black mold growing in the corner of his closet, down to the floor and up the wall. Outside his closet, I pushed his bed aside and there was more mold, growing alongside his bed.

Since my husband was unemployed from September of last year until February of this year, running right out and hiring someone to remove the mold and repair things was out of the question. We have no savings and we don't (and never have) used credit cards. Sadly, we've had to put things off.

Our entire bathroom looks like it needs to be gutted.....at least the half where the tub stands (the leaky, mold growing culprit) and my son's closet and interior wall. Gutting the bathroom and cleaning up the mold won't cost us much....however, we will be left with an empty, unusable room and be down one bathroom (which isn't good with a teenager in the house!)

So I got creative.

I found a contest on the National Fix and Flip Network. The video contest is for the entratns to plead their case for the ugliest room in their house. Monthly entrants with the most votes get $2,5000 (plenty of cash for us to remodel our bathroom) and at the end of the year, 10 top vote getters will vie for %50,000!

At this point in time, I am desperate to win that $2,500! My video is there and we are getting votes from friends on facebook and my sweepstakes site. But I need more votes!

Did I mention that just for voting, voters are entered to win $1,000? Oh yes....so by helping me, you could potentially win $1,000 yourself.....or even $15,000 at the end of the contest!!

My video is titles, "Yes, that's An Ant Farm In Our Shower!"....Ummmm, yeah....last week my daughter came running from the bathroom, hair still dripping, "Um, mom....come here, you need to see this."

I follow her to the bathroom to see that tiny little black ants had taken up residence inside a clear tube (washcloth hanger) attached to the tub surround. They are all comfy and happy in there...they have drug in food and even laid their little larva. Are you shuddering with the heebie jeebies yet? Wait till you see the video!

Please....take a look at my video, have a heart and vote for us. We are really desperate for your help! You can vote every day (so please bookmark our video) and please, tell your friends!

http://uglyroom.fixandflipnetwork.com/entries#47412

And I would like to add that there is a possibility that this mold exposure has contributed, if not caused, my Fibromyalgia. So this entire mess could be a blessing in disguise! So vote today....vote frequently and tell all your friends!!

Thank you!

A Letter To The Enemy Within Me

2010-03-25T17:56:00.001-07:00

Dear Fibromyalgia,

As I lie here on the couch, barely able to move, I can feel you twisting, grasping and pulling my muscles, contorting and twisting them into knots of horrific pain. My ribs feel as if I've been beaten and kicked, my head is throbbing, my jaws are tight and aching from the pain with which you are devouring my body. I can almost hear your sinister cackle each time I have to pull my body up from where I lie and shuffle, half bent over, to yet another bathroom break.

But as I lie here enveloped in your web of torture, I hear my little girl laughing from across the room....and I smile. You may think you've taken over my life, but I have news for you....you have entered the body of a fighter.

Yes, you have changed many parts of my life. You sent me to the hospital, making me believe my heart was failing me. Your trickery of agony has brought me to a nervous breakdown and made me question my own sanity. You've sent me to the doctor, making me fear for my life, questioning whether cancer or some other fatal disease was attempting to take my life. You have even turned this drug hating, medication avoiding woman into a pill popper.But being the fighter I am, I didn't give up until you were identified as the illness that was trying to take my life from me. And the pills, hey, they silence you, they help me to sleep and they help me to take back the pieces of my life you are so blatenly trying to steal.

You see, I have your number, I know what you're all about and I know all too well how sneaky and underhanded you are. You try and take me down when I have things at home that need to be done. You wrack my body with pain when all I want to do is be up, out and enjoying the day. You lull me into this exhausted state where all I do is crave sleep.....but you see, the sleep only makes me stronger and more determined.

I will continue to smile and laugh. I will get up and spend time in the sun, my hands in the soil as I tend to my garden. I will take my little girl shopping, even if I have to stop and take a little break because you are screaming at my body with all of your might. I will play with my dogs, visit with my neighbors and continue to travel and fulfill my dreams.

You are an uninvited guest here. You are not wanted. You may think you have me....but you don't. You never will. I have been through far too much emotional pain and trauma in my life to just lie down and roll over to you. I have watched my child fight for his life and nearly die in my arms many times. I have protected another child from the dangerous hands of someone who claimed to love her. I have fought for the rights of disabled children and built a park for them when no one believed that I could. I have even set aside my own wants, needs and feelings as I handed over a newborn son to a deserving couple. I have seen some good things in life and I have seen many that are equally as bad. Compared to all of that.....you are nothing.

You, my dear Fibromyalgia, are a mere blip on my radar of life. I may allow you to slow me down, but you will never stop me. I will fight you every single day, with every fiber of my being and you.......YOU WILL NOT WIN. Never forget, you are not wanted and no matter how insistant you are, you still will not win.

You picked the wrong person to inflict. And you are in for the fight of your life. If anyone will beat you, it will be me. Because I am a fighter.....I never give up.....I never shut up....I never give in. I will win.

With hatred and disgust,

Your unwilling host,

Edie

Fibromyalgia + My "Type A" Personality = Chaos, Mayhem and Frustration!

2010-03-16T15:46:00.000-07:00

Those of you who know me personally, know all too well that I am a self professed control freak....a type "A" personality. I like everything a certain way or I have a little meltdown. When things go awry, I morph into "fix it" mode....I run around like a chicken with my head cut off making phone calls, Googling things and scribbling notes in a notebook. I have strong armed county prosecutors, had medical interns fired and nearly pushed my ex son-in-laws car into rush hour traffic after chasing him through a Home Depot parking lot in my mini van.

When I got sick, nothing changed. I researched, read, Googled and spent hours on WebMD trying to pinpoint the reason for my body falling apart. Finally, a diagnosis came.....FMS..or Fibromyalgia Syndrome. SYNDROME. Definitely NOT a word a control freak (like me) wants to hear. You see, a syndrome, unlike a "disease" has no textbook set of symptoms because they vary so widely from patient to patient. GREAT.....not only is my illness making me feel like hell, it's not something I can contol by following a strick medical regimen or reading a colorful phamplet. It's wild. It's unpredictable.

The commercials you see on television about a certain drug to help control the symptoms of FMS is SO FAR OFF THE MARK! "Fibromyalgia is explained as wide spread pain that doesn't go away." Ummm, wow, what an oversimplification! You wanna know what FMS is really like? Step into my twisted world for a moment and allow me to explain.

Wide spread muscle pain: I like to call it, "Guess what hurts and win a cookie!" From day to day, I NEVER know what's going to hurt. It could be my head, my knees, my neck, my back, my arms, shoulders, ankles, jaws, scalp, spine, stomach, ribs, chest plate, hips, hands, fingers or toes. In addition to that, I get these incredibly unpredictable muscle spasms. I don't have to lift anything heavy, twist the wrong way or strain myself in any way. Just out of the blue, my shoulder or back or shoulder AND back will go into painful spasms. Sometimes it feels as if someone is reaching in and ripping my spine out through my skin. Seriously, no exaggerations here.

Other types of pain also happen and can vary depending on what sort of mood my FMS is in. It can be a dull ache, a sharp-shooting pain, a knife-in-the-head type pain, a burning sensation, a burning and itching sensation at the same time, needle pricks, sore and throbbing or stiff and painful with movement.

Other things that plague me and other FMS suffers (in Edie speak) are:

Morning Wood.......I get up in the morning and suddenly, I have no knee joints! My legs feel like the trunks of trees...they're heavy, stuff and achey. I walk around a bit looking like I have a stick up my butt and eventually they work themselves out and I again have knee joints. I also get morning wood in my back, arms, hips and shoulders.

The Potty Dance.....It never fails, I can be on my way out the door to a doctor's appointment, a shopping excursion or a jot to the mailbox and suddenly I have to squeeze my cheeks together and run to the bathroom.My tummy bloats, gets extremely gassy, rubmles, gurgles and decides on an hour by hour basis what it will tolerate. Some days, I get up, have my decaf and a little breakfast and all is well. Still other days, the minute something hits my stomach, my irritable bowel syndrome hits the big red eject button and a mini explosion begins to take place within my bowels. So please, don't get offended if you ask me out for lunch and I politely decline. IBS is nothing you want to take into public....especially if you;re like me and REFUSE to go number two in a public restroom. And if you happen to catch a foul scent shortly after I've had a meal, remember, the dog did it.

Sniffling, Sneezing, Snotting & Stuffy Fun......I've never had allergies. I could dance among the blooming spring flowers, roll in the grass and pet every kitty cat in the neighborhood....but not anymore! Oh no! In the spring, I sneeze over grass and tree pollen, flowers, weeds and anything else that tickles my nose. Summer, fall and winter are no better either. Dust, dust mites, mold....you name it, it makes me react either by sneezing and having my entire head clog up so I feel like my head is as big as the Goodyear Blimp or I begin to produce mucous like a fountain! Add to that the itchy eyes and scratchy throat and it's time for a Benedryl party!

I've got the flu.....PSYCHE! There is nothing worse than suddenly developing a fever, body aches, chills, nausea and extreme fatigue. When it happens you just know you've got the flu or some other nasty bug. But with FMS, you can feel like that one day and just KNOW you are destined for a week in bed with a box of tissues, a trash can within easy reach and terrible daytime television. But then guess what? PSYCHE, a day or so later, you're fine. This has happened to me quite a few times. My family actually thought I was harboring some sort of rare moneky flu that lay dormant in my body and would pop up once a month or so.

The Morning After Glow.....This happens after a beautiful night of making love......or mopping the kitchen, weeding the garden, walking around the block or shopping for an afternoon. I will wake up the next day feeling as if Jillian Michaels has been working me out for a solid 7 days with no break. Every muscle in my body is sore...and not just sore, BRUISED. Don't touch me! Trust me, I will cry like a toddler! it hurts to move, it hurts to sit, lie down and if I have to sneeze, that's all she wrote!

The Faux Heart Attack.......it only takes three or four visits to the emergency room before I realize that I'm not having a heart attack. I'm actually having nonspecific chest wall pain. Damn sure feels like a heart attack. And when I'd have that pain in my chest, of course, I freak out....I get anxious, sweaty, clammy, dizzy, nauseous and....look those symptoms up and see what you get! Heart attack! But nope, it's just FMS's way of letting me know who is in charge.

And let's not leave out the other fun things that FMS has brought to my life......

Fibro Fog (I lost the keys AND my ass and by the way, who are you again?)

Gritty Eyes.....like being lost in the Sahara Dessert without ever leaving the living room. A cool way to travel the world...not.

Mood Swings.....woo hooooo, this is fun, no, I'm bored. WTF are you doing breating in my space?! Heyyyyyyy, I love you!!

Irritable Bladder.....gotta pee...no I don't....gottta pee.....never mind....OH! I really gotta pee!

Insomnia.....I watch ALOT of late night TV. Never realized there were so many "little people" shows. And some of those cable channels get pretty riske' after midnight!

Sleeping beauty....the only time I don't have pain! And I can sleep until noon, maybe later! Try me!

Chronic Fatigue Syndrome...I wake up, but can't get up, can't stay awake, can't do anything! Or I'll be fine and suddenly, it hits me and I crash....can't move, can barely lift my head. Oh no, gotta pee again! No, I don't.

The Carnival Dizzies....what fun to have a carnival ride in my own head! I can spin while watching television or typing on the computer and if I want a really wild ride, all I have to do is get up really fast! Sometimes I see colors and stumble!

Numbness fun.....this is a doozy! Sometimes my fingers will tingle and my hands will go numb. But that's not all, my feet will do it too! And when my shoulders and neck spasm badly enough, my neck and face will go numb too! Go ahead, poke me, see if I feel it!

FMS Headaches.....these are such fun. They start at the tender points in my neck and shoulders, they then shoot up my neck, into my jaws and radiate into my scalp. Sometimes, on really special days, I get stabbing in various areas of my head.....without headache pain too! I must look like a nut walking through the Dollar Tree and suddenly grabbing the top of my head and saying, "Ow".

Anxiety and Panic.....YES! The disorder that threw me into the ER (along with the faux heart attack) and led me on the road to diagnosis. Anxiety starts with that little tingle in the pit of your stomach and then the brain takes over..."OMG! That pain in my head....is it a brain tumor? it could be. Maybe I should Google the symptoms. OMG! Now I'm short of breath and my heart is skipping! I'm short of breath, having a heart attack and I have a brain tumor!" Before I know it, I'm sweating, chilling, pacing the floor, the room is spinning, I can't think, I can't talk...I'm trembling from head to toe. This can happen any time, any place....at home, in the car, at the mall.....you just never know!

Tummy Troubles....in addition to the IBS and bowels from hell, I get tummy aches. Indegestion, heart burn, bloating, gas and nausea. The nausea is fun....can happen at any time and for no reason. All I can do is grab and little trash can, line it with a grocery bag, lie down and hope to keep my lunch.

Itchy, Scaley, Scratchy......ahhhh yes! No it's not jock itch or scabies.....just my irritable and sensitive skin.....which I never used to have. Winter is the worst....I get little itchy patches on my arms and face. I must look like I have Bolgarian Body Rot or something cuz I feel like I'l always scratching.

Bye, bye vision......suddenly, I can't read whether the Hamburger Helper box reads 1/2 cup of water or 1/3 cup of milk. Newspapers can only be read by the window and at arms length. Paperback books....hahahaha...forget it. I have about 8 pair of cheapie reading glasses I picked up at Target. I NEED those now or else I'll end up taking 13 tablespoons of cough syrup every 2 hours.

And I can't leave out breast pain, hot flashes, night sweats, feeling as if things are swollen, dental pain from grinding my teeth, inflammed ribs and breast bone and a host of other things I'll remember when they rear their ugly heads once again. I'm just a walking party, aren't I??!! HA!

The cool things about Fibromyalgia....I got a cool, new, technologically advanced heating pad with 4 heat levels and an automatic shut off! I have a nice selection of stick on heating pads that usually end up on my back or shoulders. I now have my own personal pharmacy that includes anti-anxiety drugs, muscle relaxers, allergy tablets, nasal spray, analgesics, anti-inflammatories, acid reducers and rash creams. I drink a killer herbal tea to help me sleep and my husband is actually considering a newfangled air type matress for us so I'll stop sleeping on the broken down, extra soft and cushiony couch. I'm also going to get glasses soon and I'm looking into massage therapy.

When people ask me how I'm feeling, I know that they care.....simply because they know that question could bring on an onslaught of complaints and whining. When people don't understand how I can be so sick, but look so "normal" it makes me sad.....it frustrates me.....it makes me cry. I wish everyone could understand that FMS is a real illness that makes the sufferer miserable. I wish everyone would understand that when I'm up, out and about...or if I'm happy, laughing and smiling....I'm having a really good day with tolerable pain or occasionally no pain at all. Those are special days! I just wish everyone would take the time to read this.....to understand.....to tell their friends.....and to be aware. FMS sucks. I can't control it and I hate that the most. from day to day, hour to hour, I don't know how I'm going to feel.

As I close this essay......I'm kicked back on the couch, computer in my lap. My vision is hazy partly from eye strain and party from the 2 muscle relaxers I took an hour or so ago for left shoulder-chest pain. It still hurts when I breathe, but the meds are helping along with the Therma Care heat wrap stuck to my shoulder. My neck is sore, it hurts to move it and I have a bit of indegestion from the burger I had for dinner. But bedtime is soon and whether I sleep right away or three hours after I lie down, it's something I look forward to. With sleep, I feel no pain. I'm just Edie again, dreaming about what it was like to be healthy and pain free.

Got my $411..Now Trying To Win MORE!!

2009-11-22T16:43:00.000-08:00

Yesterday, I told you about winning $411.00 by calling 1-800-free411 and asking for a phone number (just like your phone company's directory assistance, but it's completely free) Well, suprisingly, I got my check late yesterday!! Wooohoooooo!!

I would run right out and go shopping, but since the husband has been unemployed since September, I think we'll use it for bills. It's kind of difficult to keep warm and function without heat and electricity...and don't get me started on the "humans need water to survive" thing! *rolls eyes*

Anyways.....I learned more about the NEW 1-800-free411 contest...and now I'm addicted! Hold on.....I gotta call again..........

OK.....so I didn't win a $50 WalMart gift card on THIS call...but maybe on the next! You gotta try this one because it's fun! Call the number 1-800-free411, listen to the brief ad, say "CONTEST" at the main menu then you're off! You get to pick any 4 numbers and you;re told right away if you win or not.

Though I'd love to go through the phone and strangle the sympathetic (recorded) crowd saying "Awwwwwwwww" when I lose, it's so much fun and so easy, I gotta pick up the phone and do it again. I don't know......it's kinda like a slot machine and lottery draw rolled up into one......except I'm not shoving quarters into my handset.

OK....gotta go! If you play....and you really should.....I hope you win!

PS) Did I just sound like an advertisement? LOL! OMG! I did! But hey, least I'm not the Glade lady.

Winning Money For The Holidays!

2009-11-21T11:38:00.001-08:00

Who couldn't use some extra cash during this economy? And with the holidays screaming up on our heels, any extra cash would certainly come in handy! Sure you can attempt to sell things online, have a garage sale or play the lottery, but how about a chance at winning some cold hard cash by using the phone?

I just won $411.00 doing just that!!

I had heard about the sweepstakes, and even though I'm a hard core sweepstakes junkie, I didn't enter at first. But when I did, I actually won!! And here is how you too can win $411.00 INSTANTLY,....as well as something new...$50 gift cards!

Just like using your telephone company's directory assistance (which COSTS you money), you can call 1-800-free-411 and not only get directory assistance (and much more) for FREE, you can be one of two daily winners of $411.00!! And even better, every 5,000th call wins a $50 gift card!

You can can as many times as you like...there's no limit. Those are better odds than any lottery I've ever heard of!

In addition to the gift cards (which just started today at 1 pm EST here's what else you can win:

•60 Cash Prizes of $411, 2 drawings daily throughout the month of November;
•One random drawing for a Blackberry Tour will be picked during the first week in December.
•One Grand Prize: 3 day/2 night trip for winner and 1 guest to Boston, MA PLUS THE CHANCE TO WIN $411,000!

While in Boston, the grand prize winner has the opportunity to select one (1) cell phone out of 411 cell phones displayed on a game board. Each cell phone will contain a number that is matched to a sealed envelope number.

◦One (1) envelope will contain a $411,000 cash prize;
◦Ten (10) envelopes will contain a $41,100 cash prize;
◦Four-hundred envelopes will contain a $4,110 cash prize

For more details go to: http://www.free411.com/promo/30days/

And when you're finished reading, start dialing!!! I won....so can you!

Earth Day Hypocrites

2009-04-22T13:10:00.000-07:00

It's no secret that I've been a wee bit bitchy lately.....call it early PMS, cigarette withdrawal or whatever....but for some reason, my bitch filter has disappeared and everything is getting on my nerves.

Which leads me to Earth Day. Lovely concept. Except for one thing.........

Earth Day Hypocrites.

I understand that every little bit counts......even if you do the curbside recycling thing, yet drive an SUV the size of a small city. Yes, every little bit counts......but there is a certain breed of Earth Day Hypocrite that drives me absolutely insane.

These particular type of Earth Day Hypocrite buys the energy efficient light bulbs, they might recycle, never buy bottled water and may even unplug all of their appliances at night.....but they are destroying their very own environment....killing wildlife and disrupting the simple balance of life. You know them, they might be your neighbor, your friend or even you.

The person with the perfect front yard. The yard with no dandelions, not a hint of crabgrass and the most beautiful flowers your eyes have even beheld. Yes, they are the ones you see toiling away in early spring, spraying their lawns, pushing their spreaders or writing a check to the local ChemLawn guy. They spray and they treat and then they stand back proud of the perfect greenness they see spread out before them.

Pretty yes......but incredibly destructive to our environment.

What some see as "weeds" are actually beneficial food to many creatures who share our space. Those cute little wild bunnies who like to nibble from your vegetable garden actually eat dandelions as a diet staple. Some grasses that people deem as "not soft enough" or "not green and pretty enough" seed at certain times during the season. These seeds are are beneficial food for many species of birds. Ground insects are there for a reason.....not just to destroy Mr Smith's perfect lawn...they are there to feed the very circle of life that sustains us all.

And those beautiful flowers in perfect vibrant colors.....the ones that need chemicals and "plant foods" to look their best. Ahhh, pretty on the outside, lovely to look upon.....but destroying our very native environment. You see, many, many plants you find in nurseries aren't native to our area. They have been introduced to this country and become a main stay. They need all of the extra help to grow because THEY ARE NOT NATIVE TO THIS AREA. And when they do grown and begin to thrive, the become invasive and destroy the native plants which are needed to sustain our own eco system.

Would you like to really, honestly and truly go green? It doesn't cost anything extra. It will actually cut down on your gardening and yard work and you'll be recycling at the same time!

First off.....relax! You aren't going to hell for having dandelions in your front yard and you won't lose your county club membership for having crab grass. Relax....mow your lawn when it needs it, water when it needs it and be proud that you aren't polluting our groundwater, poisoning our pets and destroying the circle of life that exists in your own neighborhood.

Hop online and research native plants in your area. Here in Indiana, there are many stunningly beautiful plants, flowers, trees and shrubs that have been here from the beginning....some of the very plants you may see growing along side the freeway and call "wildflowers". Plant native plants in your gardens and relax. You see, native plants thrive with very little care, no pesticides and zero chemicals. And an added bonus.....these plants will draw wildlife into your yard.....birds will flock to your yard and feast on seeds and insects, bunnies with find a safe haven and butterflies will dance through your gardens all spring, summer and fall long.

Use natural things to make your lawn and gardens more fertile. Home composting works as well as coffee grounds, egg shells and so much more! It may be garbage to you, but the wildlife and pets in your neighborhood will thank you.

And finally, enjoy your natural setting with your family, friends and children. You will find the most amazing species of insects, birds and wildlife flocking to your little piece of Heaven. And trust me, with all of those beautiful things going on, no one will notice crabgrass or dandelions. No one will talk about grubs in your lawn or that three inch diameter brown spot. Everyone will just notice the pure and simple beauty of nature...............and when you take everything else away (plastic bottles, junk mail, automobile emissions and regular light bulbs) what is left besides our beautiful Earth?

If you want any tips on native gardening, please, don't hesitate to contact me! I'd be more than happy to steer you in the right direction! Thanks for reading my Earth Day rant.....and I hope you enjoyed the photos taken in my own "little piece of Heaven".

Stop Smoking Update and the Roller Coaster Ride!

2009-04-18T17:01:00.000-07:00

Wow........I have been on so many ups and downs the past two days, I feel like I should hang a sign on me that reads, "You must be this tall to ride".

Day 7 of my stop smoking quest, started well. I coped with my cravings, enjoyed my Electronic Cigarette a few times and then, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, I get hit with this enormous, absolutely crushing depression.

I wanted to cry.
I felt like screaming.
I wanted to smoke a cigarette so badly.
I felt so sad.
So frustrated.
So aggravated.

Was this worth it? All I had to do was smoke one cigarette and my symptoms would ease. My mood would lighten, I'd feel better....my stomach would stop hurting, my lung pain would ease. Why was I doing this to myself? Why?

But then, almost as fast as the depression fell over me, it lifted. I didn't smoke......I didn't need to.

So today, I wake up to a wonderful gesture from my loving husband.....a McDonald's sausage biscuit with egg and cheese. I ate breakfast, had some coffee and then.....crashed. I had no energy. I just couldn't get up.....I didn't want to. But this time, I was determined to tell the withdrawals to shove it, and get moving.

So I washed my face, got dressed and made my way outside to garden and clean up the yard. I felt so awkward and out-of-sorts.......like those "Become an ex" commercials where the guy can't put on his pants. Once I thought of it that way, this little light bulb came on and I realized that what I needed to do is relearn my day to day activities......minus the cigarettes.

And from that moment on, I had an incredible day!! I spent the day getting torn to shreds by my rose bush, on my knees with my hands in the dirt, pulling weeds, trimming shrubs and trees and loving every moment of it. My shoulders are sunburned, I desperately need a shower, my arms sting from all of the tiny thorn cuts but...I feel amazing! I went ALL DAY without one gnawing craving for a cigarette........not one!! I enjoyed the fresh air, the birds singing and the sun shining....without once stopping to light up a cigarette!

Life is good without cigarettes.

I'm sure I'm not entirely out from under their iron fisted hold, but I think I am conquering them...I am now stronger than the cigarettes, more powerful than the cravings and more capable of separating the bad moods, frustration and physical symptoms from reality. I am actually doing this!!

I am becoming a non smoker!

"Technically" It was Trespassing....But.......

2009-04-18T16:30:00.000-07:00

Sometimes my curiosity gets the best of me and I end up in all sorts of strange situations....last night was one of those times.

You see, several months ago, my neighbor passed away. Her house has been empty since, however, lately there's been a lot of activity......appliances being moved, things being packed, the pool being disassembled. And of course, me being the curious one, I wondered if they were going to rent the place out (which taking out the appliances wouldn't make sense) or sell it (again, removing the appliances wouldn't make sense) or it was going into foreclosure......now that would make sense.

So, I was chit chatting with my neighbor on the other side of me, and we both felt the house was probably going into foreclosure.....but, we were both even more curious as to what type of shape the house was in and if we could tell more about the state of the house (sell-rent-foreclosure) by peeking inside. Ahhhhh, time for a bored housewife, nosey neighbor, after-dark covert operation!!

Last night, after dark (of course) my neighbor and I (dressed in dark clothing and wielding flashlights) creep out my back door, intending to climb over the fence and slip into the back yard of the empty house....quietly. Right!

My daughter's two dogs, who are happily house in our back yard, decided we shouldn't be there. Coaga, who is half pit bull and half coon hound let out the most horrific howl-bark that could have woken the dead....and Asuka joined in with her demented-goose honk-bark. So I'm trying to get the two of them to hear me and shut the heck up......"Coaga! Asuka! Hush! It's me! Shhhhh! Shut UP!"

Baroooooooo, Bark, Bark, Bark!
Honk, Honk, Honk, Honk!!

Ignoring the dogs and hoping other neighbors aren't alert to our covert ops tactics, we attempt to climb the ancient, rickety fence between my yard and the yard of the empty house. I stick my flashlight in my pocket, put my foot up on the top board of the fence and hoist myself up.....fully INTENDING on hopping right over.

BUT......the board broke and I went over the fence head first......grabbed onto the fence for dear life with my thighs and sort of "boinged" into an upright position, rusty fence swaying under my weight. My heart is beating so loudly for fear of crashing onto my head that I did notice right away that my neighbor was in hysterics, laughing at me. "Are you alright?" she chokes out between peels of laughter........."Yeah, I'm alright." (Tell that to my thighs)

I finally pull myself off of my rusty, jagged horsey ride and wait for my neighbor to follow me over the fence (as she's still laughing...which I can actually hear over the barooooooo, bark, bark, honk honking) We creep to the back of the abandoned house and we see that there is a light on. Immediately my ballsiness waivers and I freak, thinking someone is in there. My neighbor assures me no one is there and proceeds to peek through the windows with her flashlight. We then go back around to the front of the house and look inside. (By the way, my neighbor is still snickering)

Junk strewn about in one room, boxes scattered about, cabinets ripped from the walls, appliances gone.......yes, it looks as if the house is in foreclosure and they are stripping it clean, hoping to recoup any amount of money they can. You can't really blame them in this economy. You can barely take care of your own family these days without having to take up the mortgage of the deceased relatives home.

Our curiosity is satisfied....and our sneaky little operation in the dark of night was fun....except for the enormous scrape and black and blue bruises on the inside of my thigh.....pretty. And of course, today, as I'm in the yard gardening, another neighbor stops by to chat and immediately says.....

"I heard the house next to you is in foreclosure.....saw it in the paper."

Yeah....could have saved myself a few bruises.

Day 6 With My E-Cigarette....Need Laughter and Sex Pronto!

2009-04-17T05:56:00.000-07:00

Quitting smoking is one of the hardest things I've ever done. I knew when I saw the Electronic Cigarette that it was the right tool for me to use to become tobacco free. I just never realized how easy this tool would make it for me.

Yes, I still get cravings and yes, sometimes they are extremely POWERFUL cravings. I just need to be stronger than the tobacco....wait it out.....and if it's just too difficult, I pick up my Electronic Cigarette and take a few long draws...and the craving just disappears.

My chest still hurts, but my cough is becoming more productive. My digestive tract is still wondering what the hell is up and not sure how to work without all of the extra nicotine and chemicals. I can't really eat a big meal right now, but that's OK! Gaining weight was one of my big worries when it came to becoming a non-smoker....after all, I still want to get into my bikini this summer!

The strangest withdrawal symptom I have has so far has been emotional. I sometimes get these fleeting feelings of loss and depression, like something important is suddenly gone from my life. I believe that comes from that trigger experts say you get when you smoke cigarettes, that release of "feel good" hormones, much like those which are released during laughter or orgasm. Since I consciously know what's going on, I can reason myself out of it.......or I could just remedy it with more sex and laughter! LOL! "But Honey, it's for therapy.....smoking replacement.....I NEED it for my well being!"

Yeah right, like that will work! LOL! (Ahh, it was worth a try!)

Two very important things did happen to me today, day 6. The weather was beautiful here in Indiana, so I grabbed one of the dogs (Rukia, my best walker) and headed out for a brisk walk around the block. Usually, I'm huffing and puffing and beginning to pace myself and slow down by the time I get to the entrance of our edition. By the time I'm around the block, I'm exhausted and ready to put my feet up and take a nap! But this time, not only did I make it all the way around the block, I did so at the same brisk pace I started out with! I could feel the air filling my lungs....and they didn't feel like they were going to burst! Rukia knew it too! She just looked up at me with her excited Shih Tzu smile, tail wagging, as if to say, "Good mom, good, good, good. You get a treat now. Treat, bone, treat, yes, yes, yes. Good mom, good girl!"

Secondly, my neighbor, Jennifer, told me I "looked better". She said my skin looked much brighter and overall I looked healthier! Really?? So, of course, as soon as we were finished chit chatting (neighborly gossiping), I ran in, flipped on the bathroom light and gazed into the mirror above the sink. Wrinkles still there, laugh lines, crows feet,....check......but Jen was right....my coloring is different....my skin really does look brighter. I have color in my cheeks and my overall coloring isn't so "gray" anymore! Yes, smokers, we look gray! I'm definitely impressed and really starting to realize the physical impact that cigarette smoking has had on my mind and my body, inside and out. I mean, you can read about it, hear about it in the news and even listen to your doctor yammer about it over and over......but seriously, you have NO IDEA what cigarette smoking is doing to you until you quit.

I say, if you've been considering kicking the habit, go for it!! I don't care how you do it....with the patch, gum, cold turkey, medications or with the Electronic Cigarette.....just do it. You will be absolutely shocked and surprised at how much of a hold cigarettes have on you as well as how quickly your body will start repairing itself! You will start feeling almost immediately and you'll start looking better too!

This is awesome......I'm feeling good (though I really need more laughter and sex...Honey, are you reading?) and know now that I am not turning back! I like being a non smoker and I enjoy the comfort my Electronic Cigarette is giving me. I am proud of myself......and so happy that I have all of you cheering me on and supporting me! Thanks a million.....you're saving my life.

Day 5...and I Didn't Kill Anyone

2009-04-16T05:45:00.000-07:00

Day 5 on my journey to stop smoking tobacco cigarettes using my new Electronic Cigarette and I feel like I'm coping well.

I have yet to kill anyone.

I woke on day 5 feeling like I'd taken a horse tranquilizer the night before.....groggy, slow, unable to think clearly. I mentioned to my oldest daughter how I'd been feeling, sort of wondering out loud how long it would be before I felt normal again. And what she answered stunned me and got me thinking....

"Maybe this IS your normal, mom. You have been smoking for almost 30 years, your body doesn't remember what normal is."

Wow. OK......first off, I certainly HOPE my normal isn't a drooling, slow, depressed, spaced-out, sleepy, groggy, achey, hacking, coughing recovering addict! If that's the case, it's no wonder I started smoking! I'm kidding.........I understand what she meant and I know my body has alot of changes to go through...............and boy, is my body changing!

At night, seems my body wants to purge the toxins via my pores. I wake up with my hair stuck to my neck, bangs plastered to my forehead and fight to peel the damp blankets from my body. I'm still sleeping alright, though it seems I'm dreaming more. My upper chest has gone from discomfort to out and out PAIN and my cough is much more productive. The dizzy spells are still there, but less frequent and much less severe.

The new symptom I'm suffering through is stomach pain.......kind of like sharp, stabbing cramps. Nothing alarming, but definitely something I read I should expect.......not fun. As a matter of fact, I got this fleeting thought to start smoking again just so I could stop the withdrawal pains and misery. I said "fleeting"........as I quickly told myself I was insane to even allow that thought to cross my mind.

I did have a comforting picture in mind......me being put in a drug induced coma, tied to a bed and sleeping my way through the rest of these withdrawal symptoms. Ahhhh, that would be nice, but of course, who would feed my dogs, take care of the house, run the errands, find everything my family has lost for the day, cook the meals, do the wash etc, etc, etc, etc? Again, my mind trying to find comfort kicking these poisons out of my body.

The good parts of this quest are starting to reveal themselves and I'm starting to see a light at the end of the tunnel! My "fog" cleared early in the afternoon and I felt pretty good (aside from the stomach pains). I have found myself automatically reaching for my Electronic Cigarette now rather than thinking about tobacco first. My skin is starting to look brighter. I'm beginning to get my normal appetite back. And most importantly, I beginning to feel pride in what I'm doing! I'm actually proud of myself! YAY ME!

Soooooooooo, I'm now off to have a great day 6. Am planning on walking my dogs today and enjoying the warm sunshine, Let's see how my lungs react to some exercise and fresh air!

Days 3 & 4..The Good, The Bad and The Meltdown

2009-04-14T15:26:00.000-07:00

Nobody who said that quitting smoking was difficult lied.....oh, it's tough alright...especially when you're an emotional smoker, like me and you have a meltdown.

My youngest has been sick.....it's been one of these, "Hmmmmm, is it a virus or an infection?" I broke down Monday morning and decided to take her to see a doctor. Since her pediatrician is a pretty long drive into Indianapolis, and we were having stormy weather, I decided I'd just take her down to Minute Clinic. Yeah....not such a good idea after all.

The Nurse Practitioner diagnosed the little one with a sinus and ear infection and proceeded to write a prescription for antibiotics.......this took over 30 minutes! YES 30 MINUTES TO WRITE A PRESCRIPTION!

This woman couldn't figure the dosage, that is, after she spent a full 15 minutes trying to figure out which antibiotic to give her. Amoxcicillin doesn't work on my kids (so mark that one off) they "don't give Keflex for ear infections" (which I knew to be total and complete BS) this woman was driving me nuts! So we finally get out of there, prescription in hand, and all I can think about is smoking my Electronic Cigarette.....................

.............and the battery isn't working!!!!!!!!!!!!! The doggone LED tip just keeps flashing at me...mocking me...letting me know, "No nicotine for you!"

So I get home, change batteries and puff away as I speak to the pharmacist on the phone. He proceeds to tell me that not only is the dosage WAY OFF on the antibiotic, the total cost is going be to the tune of $179.00!!!! WHAT? I'm still puffing away. I just doled out $77.00 for an office call and a strep test!

So I call my daughter's pediatrician, literally in hysterics babbling about an "idiot Nurse Practitioner", "wrong dosage" and a "cost that we cannot afford". Luckily, my daughter has one of the best pediatricians in the world and the office called in a prescription for Keflex which DOES treat ear infections and happens to be free at our pharmacy. Deep breaths................no more puffing at the Electronic Cigarette...........I'm calm....and relieved.

Come to find out, one of my Electronic Cigarette batteries is defective and works when it wants to. So, I bang it on the coffee table, unscrew it, screw it back on, puff......puff.......get one drag and start all over again. I still have one good battery and the owner of Sharp Smoker has assured me that he's sending me a replacement battery right away. Ahhhhh, if only Minute Clinic could have such good service!

So day 3 ended with me still only having 4 tobacco cigarettes and learning that I really enjoy the flavor of apple smoke juice (which I used to refill one of my cartridges as well as adding a little drop to the atomizer) and learning NOT to be caught out with a dead battery, especially during this crucial transition time.

So here it is day 4.....and I'm REALLY feeling the effects of giving up tobacco cigarettes. Now, I went to quite a few of those stop smoking support sites and while they tell you about uncomfortable withdrawal symptoms, they really don't give you the REAL TRUTH.

I feel like I'm walking in this haze....I'm dazed confused and feeling really funky. The light-headedness has turned to full blown dizzy spells......my body doesn't know what to do with all of this oxygen it's been starved of for almost 30 years. I almost feel high and doped up at the same time. My family can talk to me and it takes me a moment to slowly look up at them and said, "Huh?" It's difficult to concentrate on more than one thing at a time.

I have a sore throat and one heck of a deep cough....there's stuff working it's way out that I don't EVEN want to know what it's gonna look like! My chest feels tight and my extremities tingle from time to time. It's hard to think straight....or should I say, it's hard to think quickly. I do have a wee bit of a headache from time to time, but nothing to even take a pill for. I do feel tired and want to nap...not sure if it's less of the nicotine stimulant in my bloodstream or just the fact that it's easier to cope while I'm asleep!

I still don't have much of an appetite...so I suppose my Electronic Cigarette is keeping my hands and mouth busy. That's a good thing...I'm going to Florida in June and certainly don't want my daughter to have to roll me down the beach! I'd really like to prance around in a bikini WITHOUT a cigarette!

I really do feel attached to my Electronic Cigarette now......it feels more like a tobacco cigarette and has almost completely replaced them. I know they "say" that nicotine is the only addictive portion of tobacco cigarettes, but I'm not so sure. I crave the taste and I crave the tobacco....or "something" that's in them. Odd, because my Electronic Cigarette gives me the nicotine I need......though I know I'm only taking in a small fraction of the nicotine I used to take in daily.

This is a struggle for me....but one that is well worth it. In all honestly, though I am struggling, this is much easier than I thought it would be. I'm not nearly as grouchy as I thought, not eating everything in sight and so far, I'm not having any problems sleeping. Let's see what tomorrow brings.....I'm hoping that this is the peak of feeling bad.

This is all worth it. Every bit of it!! Stay tuned for day 5.

Day 2 With My E-Cigarette

2009-04-13T07:23:00.000-07:00

Well, it's actually day 3 and I'm sitting here with my morning coffee and REALLY wanting a tobacco cigarette. I spend times like this kicking myself and asking just what it is that makes me want a tobacco cigarette.

After all, my E-Cigarette gives me the nicotine my body is craving. The taste of tobacco cigarettes is far from pleasant....probably reminiscent of licking a charred, wooden door. Why would I crave that?

Will power.

That's the one thing I need. See, no matter how well my E-Cigarette fulfills my nicotine needs, I need every ounce of will power to get off the tobacco cigarettes completely. Those things are killing me...and they have controlled every aspect of my life for nearly 30 years!!

Eat a meal...smoke.
Get on the computer.....smoke.
Drive the car.....smoke.
Bored.....smoke.
Stressed....smoke.
Frustrated....smoke.
In pain....smoke.
Kids in bed.....smoke.

So, day two was an alright day. I still had 4 tobacco cigarettes, but I have to admit that the very taste of them is making me kind of nauseous! I'm making the transition where my E-Cigarette is the taste I prefer. Though it has very little taste, my E-Cigarette doesn't leave an after taste in my mouth....actually, it doesn't leave any smells or taste behind.

It didn't bother me, at first, to have smokers around me......but now I'm noticing how much the smell of tobacco smoke bothers me......man, oh man does it STINK! And I was perfectly fine walking around smelling like that?! Tobacco smoke really does dull your senses.....your sense of smell and taste are shot to hell...........really!

I took my E-Cigarette on a little trip today....to my parent's house. I love showing this thing off....my E-Cigarette really is a brag-worthy piece of technology! My parents thought it was extremely cool....my dad was very encouraging of my quest to be smoke free...and my mom took a Sharp Smoker business card think my brother and his girlfriend might want to order one. (Yeah, right, mom smokes too and she hides it from my dad......he knows. LOL)

As far as habits go, my E-Cigarette is becoming more like a tobacco cigarette to me. I actually, unconsciously went to "flip an ash" and once, in the restroom, actually laid my E-Cigarette down on the the counter, with the cherry end hanging over the very edge. Both times, I immediately caught myself and said, "Duh".

I'm still feeling a bit light headed and my lungs are beginning to clear out (in other words, I'm hacking and coughing and my lungs are asking where all the pollution went....very attractive! LOL!) I just keep telling myself that my lungs are beginning the process of healing. At this rate, by summer, I should be able to walk around the block without huffing, puffing and feeling like I just climbed a mountain!

Something I'm finding unusual about using the E-Cigarette though is that my appetite hasn't increased at all! If you've ever tried to quit smoking tobacco cigarettes in the past, you know all to well that you'll shovel anything remotely edible into your mouth...Doritos, chocolate, cereal, that questionable leftover Chinese in the back of the fridge. But I'm not having any appetite increase whatsoever! So I'll be a non-smoker without a spare tire, love handles and a be-dunka-dunk! HA!

Alright.....that about wraps up day two......I'm gonna continue on with day 3. I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow. Remember, if you want to join me, you can get a great deal on a top of the line E-Cigarette from Sharp Smoker! Visit Kevin's site and he'll take good care of you!

Day One on the E-Cigarette

2009-04-12T09:59:00.000-07:00

I got my E-Cigarette and refill cartridges today in the mail (two days, now THAT'S service) from Sharp Smoker. I needed to charge the battery for 8 hours, so decided to start on my stop smoking adventure Saturday morning. I opened the box, read all of the instructions and plugged the battery in to charge.

Fast forward to Saturday morning...........

I got the coffee on and prepared my E-Cigarette for it's first go-round. Putting it together was easy.....the battery compartment screws onto the tiny atomizer and the nicotine cartridge (looks like the filter of a tobacco cigarette) pops onto the end. The first time you use it, it's supposed to sit for about 5-10 minutes before use. So while I sipped on my first cup of coffee....one of my favorite times to smoke.....I just stared at the E-Cigarette.

My first draw was strange......the E-Cigarette is the same size as a tobacco cigarette, just a little heavier. My E-Cigarette did make a little air whistling noise when I drew from the filter end (but I got used to the sound).....and it delivered. I got the throaty, smoke feel as I inhaled and the total smoker's satisfaction as I exhaled and blew out the vapor. My younger daughter couldn't believe how much it looked like tobacco smoke.....but there was no smoke smell, no stench you often associate with tobacco smoke. (And I might also add.....no flame, so secondhand smoke danger, no staining etc) This didn't "taste" like my tobacco cigarette......but I did get the same nicotine rush and satisfaction.

I didn't realize how psychological this whole process was until my husband left the house to run an errand and there were no tobacco cigarettes left in the house. I realized this and started freaking out.....running ashtray to ashtray looking for a decent sized butt. Why? I don't know.....but I NEEDED to have one of those nasty tobacco, cancer sticks nearby.....just in case. Wow.....am I really that weak? You betcha! So I ended up keep a tobacco cigarette in the empty cigarette pack along with my E-Cigarette.

I shared my new E-Cigarette with my older daughter (she's 27 and a smoker) and she was quite impressed. She enjoyed the experience and the way she could inhale and blow the vapor out like a tobacco cigarette.

So all day on day one, I used my E-Cigarette each time I had a deep in the gut nicotine craving as well as during those times my brain needed a tobacco cigarette (computer time, after a meal, with coffee) It worked.....and it worked well.....the E-Cigarette delivered the nicotine my body craved....without all of cancer causing agents.

I did cheat on day one......which is normal for a person's first day on the E-Cigarette...actually, it's encouraged in the instruction manual. HOWEVER....I went from smoking a full pack of cigarettes to.....drum roll please.......4 tobacco cigarettes!!!! And not once did I get edgy, grouchy or feel out of control like all of the other times I tried to quit!!

Physically, I feel a bit light headed all the time......my body is now taking in more oxygen and I sometimes get this surreal, dreamy feeling....especially when I start thinking about the enormous hold tobacco cigarettes had on every aspect of my life. It's freaky....to say the least!

All in all, day one is a success!! Thanks to the E-Cigarette!

Want to join me in my journey to a smoke-free life? Visit Sharp Smoker to order your E-Cigarette.....Kevin will take good care of you!

Breaking My Addiction Using The E-Cigarette

2009-04-12T09:19:00.000-07:00

Addiction

The word stirs up images of junkies robbing convenience stores to get money for their next fix, wide-eyed tweakers and alcoholics stumbling about, sloshing their beverage on your carpet. Now, take a look at my profile photo...........

Hmmmmm, my eyes aren't the size of cannon balls. My breath doesn't reek of stale beer and I have never stolen someone's pocket change from their dresser top.....yet, I am an addict.

This is addiction is medically confirmed as being worse than alcohol, cocaine and even heroin. It's the most difficult addiction to break as well as being the most universally used drug.

I am a cigarette smoker. I have been smoking cigarettes for nearly 30 years. Yes, I have tried to quit....and failed. And now, out of the sheer NEED to stay with my children.....the heartfelt desire to grow old with my husband.....and for the health of myself, my family and my home....I am again embarking on the road to becoming smoke-free.

I have tried cold turkey and because of my emotional, high-strung nature, it was not possible for me. I wasn't strong enough. Nicotine gum upsets my stomach and the patch scares me. (Vivid dreams? Heck, I have enough problems sleeping, thanks) And as far as drugs go....they are expensive and I have no health insurance to offset the cost. Also, I have heard SO MANY horror stories about nausea and other side effects......not for me!

My saving grace came one day, while enjoying my second addiction...television. During the television show "The Doctors" I saw the E-Cigarette. The doctors gave it to a woman who had been smoking for nearly 20 years and within a week, she was off of regular cigarettes completely. I was impressed......and intrigued. Could this finally be MY answer? MY road to a healthier life?

I immediately jumped online and started researching. The Electronic Cigarette, or "E-Cigarette" is a battery operated "cigarette" that looks like a cigarette, has a nice little LED light on the end (that lights up when you draw on the device) and delivers a dose of nicotine to the user through a vapor (much like that of an asthmatic's nebulizor) that the user can inhale and blow out, much like smoke.

I was impressed and knew that since cigarettes are as much of a psychological addiction as they are a physical one, this would probably work for me. You see, I'm not only addicted to nicotine, I love the feeling of drawing in the smoke and blowing it out.

Well, after some waiting and reading about how well it has worked for some online friends of mine...I took the leap....and ordered my E-Cigarette. I ordered it through a link posted by a friend of mine who boasted about amazing customer service and an even more amazing price....she was not exaggerating!!!

Mr. Kevin Sjodin is Director of Sales and Marketing for Sharp Smoker and has given me the best customer service I have ever experienced, not to mention the fact that he offered me an amazing price of a normally expensive E-Cigarette kit. Sharp Smoker got me on the road to better health for the cost of about 10 packs of cigarettes (here in Indiana) That included the E-Cigarette kit (with 2 batteries, charger and 5 nicotine cartridges...in a very nice box, I may add...lol) and I also bought 4 boxes of refill cartridges. I got my package in just two days!!

Now for the fun stuff.......I'm going to blog my progress....for myself and my sanity.....as well as for all of you. I want you all to read of my journey and my impending success so you know you can do it to!!

If you're interested in joining me and would like more information on the E-Cigarette, please visit Sharp Smoker at http://www.sharpsmoker.com/ Kevin will be happy to hook you up!

Next up.......Day one...............

2008 A Year Of Discovery & Disappointment

2009-01-17T17:22:00.000-08:00

If nothing else, 2008 proved to be a year of discovery and disappointment for me. Most importantly, I learned that you are never too old to learn lessons on life, the human spirit and relationships. (The more lighthearted stuff is at the bottom....LOL)

SECOND CHANCES.........
Second chances played an enormous role in my life and the lives of people I love this year.
I watched my daughter's life crash and burn at the hands of someone she felt deserved a second chance.......from this I learned many things.......

1) Though I have always been one to believe people are capable of changing, I now believe with my entire heart and soul that SOME people are not capable of that....no matter what they are faced with, how many chances they are given or how they are punished for their wrong doings. Some people just lack the inner strength and maturity to say, "You know what? This is no one's fault but my own. I screwed up and now it's time to suck it up and move on." It's sad for me to admit, though people like this deserve no compassion or pity.

2) Try as I may, I just don't have all of the answers. Why do some people act the way they do? Why do some individuals cling to something for no viable reason whatsoever? Why must some people's heart be so full of malice and hatred when there is so much out there are is good and sweet and wonderful? Why do some people obsess over another....especially when the other person has moved on and has not a small inkling or glimmer of feeling left for them but pure pathetic pity and hatred? Why does this type of person's brain work the way it does? I've learned that relatively sane and analytical people, such as myself, will drive themselves to that very same brink of insanity trying to figure that out!

3) We are all walking a predestined path. Now, this is nothing new to the way I believe, but it still amazes me each and every time I see it happen. Especially when two people end up together who are RIGHT for one another. And if you look back at the path that they have each walked, it seems to cross over and over again.....almost like God is dropping that person in front of you and saying, "Hello....here he/she is again...is it time?" It's truly wonderful and fills me with this sense of awe when I'm lucky enough to witness it happen in front of me. I'm blessed to have been given the opportunity to watch this new found relationship blossom and grow. This has definitely healed my shattered heart!

4) Fear and intimidation, though very real to many people, can be used to try and crush someone's spirit and manipulate them. This year I learned that though there are many things in life to fear, threats like this should never be one of those things. This is a sheer waste of time, energy and emotion. The only thing good that comes from this type of fear is anger and awareness. (Yes, anger can be good if channeled properly...lol) I learned to stop fearing and worrying and become proactive. I took a stand and I fought and along the way, I saw someone I love become strong and determined. I saw this person take destiny into their own hands and say, "Come what may....but I'll stand strong and defeat it! Even if it does take a camera, a cell phone, a baseball bat and a gun" LOL!

MY OWN SECOND CHANCE.......
During the madness this year, I had the opportunity for my own second chance. The chance to finally have closure on an old relationship that has haunted me for over 25 years. It was tragedy that brought about this chance.......see, good can come from just about anything............and from this I learned some valuable lessons as well.

1) Love can take many different forms....the love of a mother for her child, the love of a friend, the love you feel for the very first time in your young life. Love never leaves us, no matter what. But when loves just stops, without being allowed a means to the "end", it may waver or even make you think it's gone, but it never leaves.

2) I knew there were things left unresolved, but I was rocked to my core when I realized that these old feelings still existed. However, I learned that though those feelings were still there, they were exactly the same as when I was a mere girl. Love can't just pick up where it left off.....to grow it needs constant nurturing. Without that, or without that "end" it just stays stagnant.....but it remains.

3) In addition, I learned that as we grow older, we change.....A LOT. I am not the same person I was at 15.....at 27....at 30...or even last year!! I have grown and changed and I still do, every year of my life.....and that's a good thing! I realized that sometimes we change so much that we just can't see why we were ever a part of someone's life..........WOW, just wow. Yes, I still had those old feelings in the deepest reaches of my heart, but they weren't for him as he is now, no way. He's different as well and definitely not someone I could ever carry that kind of love for again. I just wish he could see that....and realize that within himself......but he can't. So though I got the closure and answers I needed, I lost a potential friend......because he couldn't handle that.....nor could some people in his life. (And for the record......no, I don't want him back.....never did, never will. HELLO, I got the sun, moon and stars right here at home!!) Yes, it would have been nice to have a civil relationship, but not with someone who is not trusted by those he loves....and someone who can't even trust himself.

AND NOW.....SURPRISING REALIZATIONS OF 2008!

1) I hate the Glade lady...........she's a poser and lies to her friends. (But you already know that)
2) This little Hoosier girl LOVES New York!
3) Friends can be found during the most trying of times.....I love you, Jason! You kept me sane and focused....... Welcome to my life, Yumi!.......... DJ and Shannon, what can I say? You're part of the family!
4) My daughters are waaaay cooler and funnier than I ever knew and have taught me alot. Their friends are pretty incredible too!
5) Indiana's stalking law was written by morons and needs to be changed. Did I mention that is one of my 2009 goals? hee hee!
6) I REALLY hate the Glade lady..."It's French...from France" RRRRRRRR!
7) Spelling errors and stupid people go hand in hand...yet they think they are smarter than the rest of us. I mean, c'mon, do you really think someone wants to do business with someone who can't even spell the word business? Typos and the occasional misspelling doesn't count, so I'm not picking on everyone! LOL!
8) Even Fergie farts.
9) Female dogs are scary when in heat....not to mention a little slutty.
10) Dogs are even scarier when giving birth!
11) Good people die, nasty people live. Why?
12) I am a full fledged anime geek.
13) My husband is obsessed with ghosts and the paranormal, so if he shows up at your house with a KII meter, EMF detector and a digital voice recorder, just humor him.
14) Law enforcement is open to each officer's interpretation and individual personality....sometimes it sucks, but sometimes it can work to your advantage. *wink*
15) A prosecutor can only work within the law the way it's written and they can get angry and frustrated too.
16) Even when cooked, cream cheese should never be eaten after being at room temperature for more than 5 hours.........TRUST ME ON THIS!
17) I STILL hate the Glade lady..."Oh it's this little boutiquey fragrance I picked up."
18) A picture is worth a thousand words. (Referring to my daughter's pics of her ex stalking her)
19) Sex changes when you get older.....if you're my age you understand, if not, talk to me when you're over 40.
20) Bill collectors don't like Japan TV.......lol.
21) It should never matter if your friends believe differently than you or raise their children differently than you, they're still your friends.
22) I really am capable of madness when pushed beyond my limits....scary.
23) Crying with your daughter can be a good thing.
24) Laughing with your daughter....even better.
25) Compared to other people, my life really IS insane.....yep, I'm just now realizing this.
26) People who obsessively hit my MySpace page give me the creeps. Yes, you, down there in Florida...I know who you are and you should be ashamed of yourself.
27) I am a Blingee addict.
28) Some parents are absolute clueless, blind, ignorant idiots and have set their adult children up for failure.
29) I'm getting old.
30) I still love life....through it's trials, tribulations, lessons and difficult times...I still love life. It's worth it.
31) Puppies are amazing little creatures.
32) My youngest daughter is amazingly intelligent and insightful.
33) Some people just aren't worth it.
34) Even I can play a Wii
35) Be yourself....don't be the Glade lady.
36) Even the most demure, modest women can ooze sex appeal from every pore (Yes, "M" I'm talking about you)
37) Confidence can really change a person.
38) Even after you scoop the yard, your child will always step in the ONE MISSED TURD!
39) DO NOT feed your dog Thanksgiving dinner unless you're ready to face the repercussions.
40) My kids are amazing and really know how to love and support one another through anything. I'm blessed.

Happy New Year!

Yee Haw....Wrangle Them Doggies!!

2009-01-15T17:51:00.000-08:00

I found my inner Ceasar Millan...........I'm now calm and submissive. But that certainly wasn't the case an hour or so ago!

So here's the deal.....we live in a very modest 1,900 square foot ranch with a big yard, four bedrooms (3 that are extremely tiny and a master). In this house is myself, my hubby, my son and my little one. We have 3 dogs, two labs, Stewart and Sophie and a Shih Tzu named Rukia. Back in March of last year, as many of you know, my older daughter moved home after an abusive marriage. It was one of those urgent "get out now" situations..........so we got her out.....along with.......

Arthur and Guenivere (Shih Tzus and Rukia's parents), Bella and Shinji (Rukia's siblings), Buster (a rescued pit bull), Ausuka (a rescued lab wiemerimer (sp?) mix) and Coga (a rescued pit bull-blue tick coon hound) Now since the Shih Tzus and Buster are crated in her room, we keep Guenivere out along with Rukia, Stewart and Sophie. (Are you following me?) Ausuka and Coga are kept outside (which we absolutely HATE) So that brings me to tonight.

Here in Indy, it was 6 below zero this morning. I was terrified that Ausuka or Coga were dead, even though their dog houses are crammed full of hay and blankets and anything else they've drug in. Well they were both OK...just not willing to come out of their houses. But tonight they are predicting -10 to -20 with -30 degree wind chills.

Nope, I didn't want them outside tonight. Ahhhhh, saddle up, it's time to wrangle them doggies!

We borrowed a crate from a neighbor and began the switch.

Step one.....put Stewart, the I'm-gonna-chew-your-face-off senior, in the bedroom. Put Guenivere in the whelping pen with baby Masaharu and get Rukia in the bedroom with Michaela (she loves to bark, bark, bark, bark,bark at the other dogs) OK.....ready, set, GO!

Step two....Out go the Shih Tzu boys.........Chara cleans their cages....lets them back in....while Arthur jumps up and down, up and down, "Hi gramma, hi gramma, hi gramma...gotta say hi before mom puts me up, gotta say hi before mom puts me up! Got a bone to share? Huh? Huh? Can I like your face? Your hand? Anything?"

Step three...send out buster....the hyper-pit bull-on-too-much-crack-caffeine-sugar...he bolts through the house....runs in a circle about 25 rotations and disappears outside into the darkness, while Chara cleans his crate. Outside, Ausuka (who sounds like an injured, demented goose) and Coga are barking their heads off because the hyper pit bull is outside running back and forth, flaunting his freedom in front of them. Buster returns and is let back in the house just as Chara returns with the crate from next door.

In the meantime, Rukia is whining and barking at Michaela's door, wondering what the hell is going on out here. Stewart is drooling and scratching at the bedroom door, just dying to get out here and show Buster who the boss is. And Buster is in the middle of the living room with a pink winter scarf in his mouth going round and round and round at about 20 miles per hour. Guenivere jumps out of the whelping pen to see what the craziness is all about, sees Buster, growls, snaps and jumps back into the pen on top of Masaharu.........."YELP, YELP, YELP"

Holy hell, she's broken the puppy!!!!!!!! Nope, false alarm, just scared the hell out of him....and me. He's still got all extremities, he's moving....he's alright.

And Buster is still turning circles in the living room with the scarf.

Step four....bring in Coga...the biggest dork-dog on the planet!! He's jumping around on the leash, "Dur...I'm in the house! Why am I here?! What's that smell? Gimme that squeaker! I'm in the house! What's that? Where are we going?! There! On the plate! What's that?!" Chara disappears down the hall with him..........and Buster is now outside with the demented goose (Honk, honk, honk).

Step five.....bring in Ausuka...the one who barks like a demented goose. She slinks through the house, belly near the ground, eyes darting back and forth...she snags the dog Frisbee on the way through the living room and drops it in her nervousness. Close behind is Buster, still jumping and hopping around in a hyper terrier frenzy. He again grabs the scarf and starts running in circles.

I'm posted at the whelping pen, keeping the new mommy from tearing through the pen's walls and eating Buster for annoying her. She's quite nervous, although Buster was around her first litter of pups and terrified of them. (Yes, picture the big, bad, murderous pit bull backing into a corner and wetting himself after being accosted by three 6 week old Shih Tzu puppies)

OK....dogs are in place. Ausuka and Coga have a warm place to sleep for the night and Buster is still running amok through the living room and den. Chara emerges from her room in time for me to let Rukia out....she just growls at Buster and sits down quickly to avoid the typical doggy-butt-sniff-hello. Letting Stewart out, however, was another fun activity! See, he turns back into a six month old pup whenever he's around Buster.

The two are jumping around, growling, shaking the pictures on the walls, scurrying here and there. Rukia is in the midst, running circles around the boisterous boys, barking her little head off. I'm chasing Rukia round and round the room, trying unsuccessfully to grab her tail, back of her sweater....anything to get ahold of her and stop her yapping before one of the bigger dogs steps on her. Chara is trying to get one of the boys and give him a good neck poke and a Ceasar Millan patented "Tssshhhh" It's mass chaos....once again.........only in my house!

After a few minutes, all is well and we are back to our normal business of relaxing and watching television. Nearly an hour and a half of dog wrangling and I'm now pooped! Now I can look forward to tommorrow's potty-time escapade! This should be fun!

Catching Up With A New Baby In Tow!

2009-01-14T17:04:00.000-08:00

I know, I know....as one of my followers reminded me, I have been MIA since November! I'm sorry....but I'm finally slowing down from chasing my tail and ready to blog on.

The holidays brought the normal mania in our household (Are we gonna be able to afford the gifts? What the heck and I gonna buy my mom that she won't complain about? Who ate the last piece of pie?)The holidays also brought out the best and worst in our lives.

Take my little one. She turned 11 on the second of December (another time of mania for our household)and she informs us she suspects we are indeed the "Santa Claus" culprits. We hesitated, but eventually came clean about the whole childhood scam. After mulling over the lies in her head, my way-too-smart-and-savvy daughter looks at me and says,

"Wow, you and dad really work your butts off making sure we had a good Christmas every year. I got alot of cool stuff over the years. Thank you."

But that's not all!! We decided to take a left over portion of a big win I received earlier in the year and donate it to the local food pantry (which also gives out misc. donated items as well) So we wrap stacks of My Little Pony toys, take them over to the church and hand them out.

The next morning, while getting ready for school, the commercial came on saying, "Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus." My daughter suddenly spins around, hairbrush in hand and yells, "I GET IT!"

Nearly spitting coffee out my nose, I just look at her like she's nuts and she finishes...."Santa isn't real, but he's an idea, a thing that lives in our hearts and anyone can be Santa! We were Santa last night! I get it now."

I was humbled.

So, in addition to my younger daughter's revelations, my older daughter got more than her fair share of *crap* Her ex started his creepy stalking stuff. Though the idiot was TOLD by the judge that there is a no contact order and if he violates, he goes to PRISON. How hard is it NOT to call someone repeatedly and hang up? How hard is it to NOT drive by someone's place of employment obsessively? Geez!

Well, as the prosecutor predicted, he got sloppy. In the wee morning hours on January 2nd, my daughter's cell phone rings half a ring and wakes her. She flips it open to see a number rather than they typical "unknown". She jumps online, reverse searches the number and...it's her ex's phone number! And here we thought he only had a cell phone!

To make a long story short, he was arrested that morning and charged with invasion of privacy and resisting arrest.....and the prosecutor added felony probation violation. Yes, my friends, the idiot is going to PRISON!! The only bad part is that his 500 + pound mother is on the war path.....after all it IS all my daughter's fault *rolls eyes* At least she doesn't move very quickly.

But there are some shining lights in the madness. My older daughter is dating a wonderful guy now (nothing like ANY guy she's seen in the past) I absolutely adore him and his family! Plus............there's a baby in the house!!!!

No, not me! Are you kidding? I think my eggs have retired and moved to a home somewhere in Miami where there's shuffleboard and Canasta. We have a brand new puppy....and he's such a chubby little joy!

Meet little Masaharu......

OK....so you've met the baby and I've rambled on enough! Stay tuned for my "Things I Learned in 2008" blog!

OK...I'll Admit It...I Hate The Glade Lady

2008-11-03T15:43:00.000-08:00

I am a self-confessed television junkie. I like my daytime talk shows, my soaps and my prime time shows. And being a self-confessed television junkie, I am bombarded with commercials.

There are commercials for absolutely everything nowadays....from sexual dysfunction medication to lotions, food and cell phone service providers. Some commercials I enjoy, some I simply tolerate or ignore and still others.....I hate. Which brings me to the "Glade Lady".

I have nothing whatsoever against Glade products. As a matter of fact, the scented oil candles are to die for and I use them a great deal in my home. They envelop my home in the most delicious scents and really work to freshen things up, or cover wet dog smell, kid feet or hubby's latest kitchen "experiment." But I'm sorry, I hate the "Glade Lady."

"Oh, that smells incredible. It's one of those Glade candles." Says her soccer mom visitor.

"No, it's French....from France."

Poser.

Phone call in the bathtub. The Glade Lady proclaims, "Oh, I'm uh.....at the spa."

Liar.

Doing Yoga, the Glade Lady touts, "It's a boutiquey scent I picked up at a boutique. It helps me plug into my Karma."

Faker.

Why, oh why must she carry on like that? Is it important to be a faker, liar and poser? Is it soooo important to keep up with the Joneses that you need to make them think you're something that you're not? C'mon advertising executives, did you really think people would identify with her? And if so, it's scary to think that the demographic of posers out there is so large that they'd choose to develop advertising like this.

Well, if you come to my house, I'm going to tell you the truth.

Wanna know what that scent is? Glade candles...got them on sale at Meijer and I had a coupon! The chicken is delicious? Wow, thanks! I put it on the baking sheet all by myself, baked it for 30 minutes and viola! You like my outfit? Thanks so much! Target clearance rack....$3.00 for the shirt $6.00 for the jeans!

Maybe I'm just a simple gal to whom appearances don't matter. I'm not impressed by "boutiquey" fragrances, someone's spa trip or the price of the outfit. I like the person inside...the one who laughs at sitcoms and cries during chick flicks. I like people who have dogs that, well frankly, smell like dogs once in a while. I like people who'll fix dinner from a box occasionally, who sit on the porch and talk to neighbors and who don't need to run off to the spa for each little blemish, knotted muscle or chipped finger nail.

So...come as you are, I like you that way.....oh, and bring the Glade candles....my dogs have been playing in the rain.

When Domestic Violence Comes Home

2008-10-29T12:43:00.001-07:00

My daughter and my dad...10-27-2007

He told her that he had changed. He showed her his AA tokens, got on his knees and begged for her forgiveness. It had been several years since my daughter and "RJ" were together so she forgave him and they began dating again. This was a mistake she'd regret.

The wedding was absolutely beautiful. We had a masquerade ball theme, since it was so close to Halloween, and the guests came in costumes....all except for my dad, who wore his Marines Dress Blues. He looked amazing, but paled in comparison to the radiant and happy bride. My little girl.

It only took a couple of months before RJ had quit his job. He slept in every day, never lifted a finger around the house and depended 100% on my daughter to pay the bills, the brand new mortgage and buy food for them and my daughter's dogs.

RJ then started to become possessive and paranoid, watching over my daughter's shoulder every moment, reading her emails, listening to her phone calls. He began yelling at her constantly, starting fights and verbally abusing her. Soon things escalated into RJ breaking furniture, throwing things around and beating the dogs. She started planning her escape.

Her escape plan was yet to be finished, when the electricity at their home was turned off. She was hurriedly preparing her aquarium and fish to be moved (so the fish wouldn't die), when RJ started yet another fight. In his rage, he kicked a box containing aquarium supplies and things scattered over the living room carpeting.....fish food, rocks and more. My daughter screamed and RJ, "Why do you have to do this? Why are you always breaking my things? You have destroyed nearly everything I own!"

She walked toward the door, fully intending to go to the neighbors and call the police.....she wasn't fast enough....a physical fight ensued and she ended up bruised and shaken. She quietly followed through with moving her aquarium, allowed RJ to drop her off at a friends and then called home for help. My husband and I picked her up, took her home and grabbed her dogs and a couple of small boxes of her belongings....she left everything else behind.

One would think the story ends there....or that my daughter went back to him.....no. She moved home and never looked back. RJ, on the other hand, couldn't let it go.

He began stalking her, following her and making online threats against her. Though we got protective orders for here, her work and family and friend's homes, he still refused to stop....and most of the time, the police wouldn't do anything unless they saw him, or there was proof. We began running a camcorder at home and my daughter started carrying a digital camera and a baseball bat. He continued to follow her to work, drive by friends homes and sit on side streets for days, watching her, waiting to attack.....and he finally did...on August 2nd 2008, he tried to kill my daughter.

She was leaving a friend's home and noticed a car sitting on a darkened side street.....she just KNEW what was about to happen. She pulled behind a business (a common cut-through for motorists), stepped out of her opened car door and waited with her digital camera in hand. As soon as RJ rounded the corner in his car, she snapped a photograph. When he realized what happened, he floored the gas and raced toward her. She rolled into her car just as he wedged his car in her, still open, driver side door. She leaned out and took another photograph.

She then hit her accelerator, did a u-turn around an ATM machine in the adjoining parking lot, and hurried back toward her best friend's home. RJ caught up to her and *SLAM*, hit her from behind. *SLAM*, he hits her again. She sped up, finally coming to a stop in her friend's driveway. She was already on the phone with the police.

They arrested him within 10 minutes of the incident, but sadly, only got him for "Violation of Privacy".......there is some stupid law in Indiana stating that the car was "marital property" and he could do to it what he wished. He was only in jail for mere days....his family bailed him out.....and he continued his stalking and mind games.

We had to stay on the police and prosecuter's office constantly to make sure something....anything was being done to keep this man away from my daughter. We were lucky we convinced them to even investigate the case further!

The final straw came as a telephoned death threat.....a terrible message...left on my daughter's cell phone. It was a song that chimed, "Bitch you know I love you, but now you gotta die" and it repeated over and over. The police weren't impressed.....and in the early days into the stalking investigation....he was arrested and held without bond during a bond agreement check. He was drunk, using drugs and in possession of the cd containing the song with the death threat.

That was two months ago.....and RJ still sits in jail. His rich dad didn't bail him out, even after bond had been set at $5,000. Tomorrow is the big day......court....and he will be released under a plea agreement.

With the stalking laws, the way they are written, it is nearly impossible to get a conviction...too many rules and regulations have to be met. Our deputy prosecutor is heartsick as he wanted nothing more than to prosecute RJ to the fullest extent of the law. The best he could do is roll the dice and risk him walking away, time served and no further recourse or write a plea agreement to help protect my daughter.

Time served. Mandatory drug and alcohol counseling and testing. Mandatory anger management and domestic violence classes. Mandatory psychiatric evaluation and counseling. 3 full years probation. A Supreme Court no contact order for my daughter for 3 full years. If he doesn't do classes....even misses one...mandatory prison term. If he so much as calls my daughter and hangs up...mandatory prison time.

But will this be enough?

Will he stop?

Or will his first and only contact with my daughter be the only one it will take?

I'm afraid for her, but there is little I can do. I can continue to follow her, so she's never out of my view. I can go with her everywhere. I can run the video camera.....for 3 years....maybe longer. Who knows.

My Daughter Is A Build-A-Bear Junkie

2008-10-28T18:58:00.000-07:00

I had seen the Build-A-Bear Workshop commercials. They seemed far too emotional to me. I thought, "Geesh, it's a stuffed animal, not a life changing event!"

All of my daughter's friends seemed to have one of these do-it- yourself furry friends and she wanted one too. I checked their website and since the prices weren't too bad, I caved in to taking her to spend her birthday haul on a Build-A-Bear.

The day I took her, I was pleasantly surprised at how touching of a process it was....REALLY! She got to choose her animal and then a heart to get tucked inside. She made a wish on the heart, held it to her ear (so they would always share secrets), kissed it and so on. They stuffed the fluffy critter, sewed it up and then my daughter got to "bathe" her new friend. She chose clothing and dressed it, then we registered her new friend, Amy the Frog, on their computer. When we checked out, they presented my daughter with a birth certificate and tucked Amy the Frog into a really nice, cardboard carrier with windows and a beautiful ribbon securing the carrying handle.

Amy went everywhere with my daughter and when she couldn't take Amy with her, "grandma" got to babysit. Amy is a part of the family now, with her three outfits and pink Sketchers shoes with rhinestone heart shoelace decorations.(Amy's shoes are nicer than mine, by the way) But then suddenly, my daughter started jonesing for another friend.

She started digging through the couch cushions for change, checking all of her dress-up purses and the junk drawers in the kitchen for any stray cent she could find. She offered to do anything for a buck or two.She even begged Santa for a gift card to Build-A-Bear Wrokshop. Santa was compliant. He stuffed one into her stocking and a freind of ours got her one as well. By the day after Christmas, she was shaking and jittery....she had to go and build a new freind....and she had to NOW!!!

This time dad took her and she came home with Koko the Sheltie. Koko was dressed in red shorts and top with doggy print, red panties and dalmation slippers on all four fuzzy feet. My daughter even purchased a frog embellished outfit for Amy the frog while she was there.

The craving hit her again a few weeks later and she started mining for change, begging for dollars and planning her next Build-A-Bear Workshop visit. She knew she had accumulated a $10 gift card from her punch card (yep, they give punch cards!) but she knew it cost a bit more than that for the bear she had her eye on......a soft white teddy covered in pink and red hearts, a "special edition" for Valentine's Day. She was desperate. She needed another fix. She began asking how long till she could earn the money and when she could go next.

"Can I just go and look? Can I just go and buy an outfit? No,on second thought, I NEED this bear mom, forget the outfits, I just need the bear, I really do."

Finally she got so desperate to have the limited edition Valentine bear that, after being missing for an hour, she came bounding down the hallway and breathlessly announced, "I cleaned my room!"

Her father and I checked out her claim and yes, she had cleaned her room. It was absolutely spotless.....nothing under the bed, nothing shoved in the closet, no clothes in the trash can or toybox! Everything was neat and tidy. With her eyes spinning and glazed over she asked, "Now can I have a Build-A-Bear?"

Considering our daughter had just brought home a straight "A" report card the day before, her father and I agreed to take her to Build-A-Bear Workshop again, but it would have to wait till morning. Do you want to know how creepy it is to wake up at dawn on a Sunday morning to see your 8 year old sitting on the couch, fully dressed, hair brushed, breakfast eaten, teeth brushed and purse thrown over her shoulder?! It was frightening. She even seemed to be trembling a bit.

Through girnning lips, She began babbling like a lunatic, "I'll wait for you to get your coffee before we go. I would make it for you but I'm not sure how many scoops go in. If you want me to I can lay out your coat. If I could, I'd warm up the car. I'm too little too, right? He, he, he. Why don't you do that now? Nobody will see you in your jammies. Okay? Okay? This is going to be so much fun. I hope there's not a big line....I hate it when there's a line. Do you want me to get your jeans out of the dryer for you? How about a shirt? Here's my hairbrush if you want to use it."

We are now the proud family of Anastasia the Valentine's Bear dressed in her glittery pink t-shirt and skort set and black velvet Mary Janes. She's cute alright, but now I wonder how long it will be before my daughter starts jonesing for her next Build-A-Bear fix. This habit can be quite expensive and these furry creatures are accumulating a better wardrobe than I have!

I realize I could play this to my advantage. Heck,I could have my darling daughter doing laundry, cleaning out closets and picking up doggy presents in the back yard if I played my cards right. She'd probably do just about anything for a new cuddly friend. But I know that every child needs an incintive for good behavior, grades and a clean bedroom. Some children want cash, others want candy or surprises. My daughter's incintive just happens to have fur, a special heart and a killer wardrobe.

*Since I wrote this story for Club Mom, my daughter has accumulated SEVERAL more Build-A-Bear friends including Edward the bear, Puddin' the dog and Manhattan (who came from the New York city Workshop) among others. As of this update, there is no 12 step program for Build-A-Bear addiction, so please, stuff with caution!

A Hearty, Cool Weather Recipe On The Cheap!

2008-10-28T16:49:00.000-07:00

Now that the leaves are colorful and crisp and there's a chill in the air, it's the perfect time to start thinking about those cool weather meals. You know the ones....food that is hearty, easy to make and that warms more than the stomach.

My kids and husband have their cool weather favorites....chili, chicken and dumplings and finally, potato soup.

My potato soup recipe has been handed down through my family, though it's nothing special, it's simple, delicious and so incredibly cheap! I can feed my family of 5, with leftovers, for about $6....yes, six bucks!! Even my picky eater, who could live on mashed potatoes, never turns her nose up at my potato soup.

Here's my recipe:

5 lb. bag of potatoes
1 large onion
1 can evaporated milk
1 stick butter or margerine

Peel and cube potatoes as if you're making homemade mashed potatoes. Dice onions. Rinse all in a colander and place in a stew pot. Cover potatoes and onions with water (about 3 inches above) and bring to boil. Once potatoes are soft enough to be pierced by a fork, turn heat down to low and add evapoated milk and butter (do not drain the water). Stir, salt and pepper to taste. Simmer over low heat until heated thoroughly. (You can also add potato flakes to thicken if you like a thicker broth)

Serve as a hearty vegetarian meal or let your family customize their soup. My family loves adding shredded cheese, crispy bacon, ham or turkey chunks to their soup. You can also make your soup lighter by using skim milk rather than canned, evaporated milk or make it more healthy by adding carrots or celery. Either way, this is an inexpensive meal you can feed a big family with and even customize to make your own.

Enjoy!

I Prayed My Son Would Die

2008-10-26T10:29:00.000-07:00

*Previously published by Edwina Caito on Club Mom

The very moment Dennis was born, he was quickly whisked away to a waiting isolette. A fury of activity surrounded his tiny body. I watched as doctors and nurses ran about the delivery room, speaking urgently to one another. After several minutes, my son was swaddled in a soft, blue blanket and placed into my arms.

I was shocked at his appearance and I felt a pang of guilt for reacting that way. Although he seemed normal in every way, his face was divided in half by a dark purple birthmark. The pediatrician told me it would never fade and even worse, that there was the possibility Dennis could have a rare condition that caused seizures, glaucoma, mental retardation and even death.

Seizures.

Mental Retardation.

Death.

The words swam in my head over and over again.

Surely something like that couldn't happen to me. Things like that happened to other people. I did as the doctor said. I took my son home and I waited.

Six weeks had gone by and Dennis was doing well. I sat in the rocking chair nursing him when he suddenly pulled away from my breast. I looked down, my heart sank into my stomach and I froze in terror. My baby's mouth hung open as milk dribbled from his blue lips. His eyes were wide and staring, but unseeing. His tiny little fist was drawn so tight, his knuckles where white. His fist was twitching rhythmically.

Dennis was placed on anticonvulsant medication immediately and he was diagnosed with the same rare illness the pediatrician had warned me about, Sturge-Weber Syndrome. Very little was known about the disease so the doctors had few answers and even less consolation to offer me. The following days turned to weeks and the weeks turned into months. Nothing could stop the seizures that were ravaging my son's tiny, helpless body. I was frightened for him. I felt helpless. I couldn't stop what was happening to him. I prayed for healing. I prayed for the illness to go away. I begged God to let me take the illness. I prayed for a miracle, but no miracle came.

The first evening the paramedics came is still a surreal blur. Dennis lay on the dining room floor, motionless and blue. The medic had to breathe for Dennis while he cradled his limp body in his arms and rushed him to the back of the waiting ambulance. That night, I found myself in the hospital chapel on my knees. I looked around the dim, deserted room. I watched the candlelight cast eerie shadows along the walls. I had never felt more alone and isolated in my life. With tears streaming down my face and a heart exploding with pain, I screamed to the Heavens, "Please make it stop! Just take him! Don't allow my baby to suffer another minute, Lord, please just take him home."

There is a Garth Brooks song called "Unanswered Prayers" in which Garth croons the words,"Some of God's greatest gifts are unanswered prayers." No truer words could ever have been spoken. It took me many months find my way to that conclusion. I had to learn that my son was here for a very special reason and that praying for strength was the only thing I could do. I had to accept. I had to cope. I had no go on. My son needed me.

More than twenty years have passed since I murmured those desperate prayers. Dennis has been through many horrific ordeals since then - a stroke, more seizures, eight eye surgeries, brain surgery and more. Yet with every traumatic ordeal, he has gotten stronger and more determined to live. And throughout it all, he still manages to smile, laugh and enjoy every moment of life. My son has touched many hearts in his lifetime, including mine. He has lead me on paths I would never have chosen to travel on my own. Along those paths, I grew. I am a different person now and it is all because of my son.

I now look back to the early days of Dennis' life and see that every desperate plea and prayer were a part of my path to accepting my son's illness. Every step - anger, helplessness and hopelessness - was a step toward the strength I needed to guide my son through life. I no longer feel guilty about those pleas to God to take my son, as they were part of my coping process. And, most importantly, I do realize that some of God's greatest gifts are indeed, unanswered prayers.

*Dennis is now 22 years old, still living at home and doing well on his medications. Best of all, he's still a happy, fun-loving young man with a zest for life that is unsurpassed.

It's A Halloween Nightmare

2008-10-25T17:06:00.000-07:00

Although my 10 year old already has her Halloween costume, an Indian Princess, we decided to take a peek through the costume selection at Meijer the other night.

I rummaged through the rack and saw the most interesting pink, leopard print skirt with a fuzzy cat tail attacked. I pulled it off the rack, held the costume at arms length and looked at the form fitting belly top, trimmed in pink marabou. How cute! How sexy! And then I realized...............

.........it was a costume for a 6 year old girl!!!!!!!!!!

I immediately hung the costume up and began digging frantically through the other costumes. I found a sexy witch with an obscenely short skirt and sewn-on bustier that laced in the back. The Little Red Riding Hood costume looked like something out of a Fredricks Of Hollywood shop. There was a fire red, form fitting, cat suit that included a deeply scooped neck, marabou trim and devils horns. And don't get me started on the Dorothy costume.....the Wizard would take her glittery ruby slippers and send her back out to the flying monkeys.

I felt a little dizzy looking at the overly sexy and revealing costume selection for little girls and toddlers and I couldn't help but wonder if parents are really buying these for their children. C'mon, are we expecting them to bring back more than just candy on Halloween night? Dress them little tiny street walkers and you never know!

Now I'm not an old fashion gal, for the most part. I wear low rise jeans, listen to J-Pop and alternative rock and my daughters have deemed me as "cool"...........but if this trend is something that the mainstream, I say braid my hair and call me Laura Ingalls! I refuse to allow my daughter dress in such a lewd and revealing way, even if it's just for fun and just for one night.

What happened to the days of white bed sheets over the head, prima ballerinas and floor length princess gowns? Where are the evil, ugly witches, dressed in long, black gowns with warts and green noses? Has Hannah Montana, High School Musical and television turned our children into wanna-be tarts, vixens and tiny Paris Hiltons? Or are the costume companies just putting the stuff out there and hoping that little Cindy will throw enough of a temper fit in the store that mom and dad will cave and let her run the neighborhood Halloween night with a bare midriff, begging for treats or "tricks"?

All I know is....I'm not buying it and my daughter certainly isn't wearing it.